Newspapers, lip gloss, and gym shoes

new personal email

2010-01-14T00:38:00.001-06:00

lovelyladyliterature@gmail.com

What's my problem again?

2009-12-15T00:53:00.003-06:00

I didn't know where else to get this out... most ridiculous thing I'll ever put out for somebody to read (although nobody will until probably months from now and it'll be too far back and too awkward to mention it). Sort of like "the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind" (Young Frankenstein).

I have no time to see my therapist. If I did, I'm already three over my 15 session a year allowance from the insurance company (which I keep forgetting to tell my parents about) and at the end of the summer we felt like I was doing well enough that I didn't need to go once a week anymore. So much for that.

It's sad- I keep looking up mental illnesses: depression, panic disorder, bipolar disorder, bipolar depression.... I fucking have all of them. I don't know how those psychologists can tell the difference sometimes. I also had to look up the term "emotional abuse." I realized I never really knew what that meant. How can you abuse another person's emotions?

I'm sure it's "just work" and "just school," but I can't get another job and I have to take 15 credits a semester to graduate a year early.... it's only going to get worse. Tons of other people do so much more than I do. Why am I the one who can't?

Why can't I save money? Why can't I look people in the eye sometimes without crying? Why can't I sleep? Why can't I let myself try to sleep? Why can't I just pin my brain down long enough to finish a chapter? Why can't I just stand up for myself like any decent person? Why can't I handle a common part time job?

Why isn't 15 freaking sessions enough for one year? Six months, even- I only started in the summer. Yet I'm not quite bad enough for them to just "put me away." And that would just be the cowardly, lazy way to do it. Right, because I'm such a "strong person." How can people think that?

You're not crazy. You're not crazy. You're not crazy. Oh yeah? Then why do you have to keep telling me? And is that denial I hear in your voice?

I thought I was all better. Now that I've learned "breathe in, breathe out" and it's not good enough, what am I going to do? Are they going to put me on drugs? I've heard first hand accounts about how that shit goes. What if it makes me worse?

I have so much to look forward to. Why do I have to make it so complicated?

Exciting thoughts :)

2009-12-05T00:20:00.003-06:00

Sooo it randomly came up today (I'll spare you the back-story of the stolen cell phone) that me & Jeromy are le sick and tired of Kenosha. He's graduating and I was sick of it in the first place... I had kind of given up on ever going to school at U of Minnesota except that today Jeromy was like "hey we should move there next fall." XD XD XD That would be the best life of my life. The problem is the fact that I'm perpetually almost broke (I almost felt bad telling him that I was going to try to start saving... again) but it would be pretty much exactly what I wanted. It will gain me a LOT of responsibilities... and student loans... but I think more people start out with those than I realize. I'm still trying to figure out how people are able to buy a freaking house right out of college. Sheesh. My mind is at that point when the semester is ALMOST over, but I feel like it already should be so I can't focus :(

In other news, I realized I lost my diamond earrings (or lost track of them) aaand I might almost have a new job XD The guy from the Racine Starbucks said he would forward my application to the Kenosha Starbucks because they're looking for somebody with my availability :)

Thanksgiving MADNESS

2009-11-25T01:07:00.003-06:00

Sooo this long weekend should be interesting. My class is cancelled tomorrow, and the paper that was due is now extended. However, I still have an annotated bib. draft due on Thursday. (That was our group's decision, not the teacher's.) And I have to totally re-vamp my short story for another class. The good news is that there's a ray of hope that I won't have to do my shop hours for theater apreciation. XD

I plan on doing as much homework as I can tomorrow during the day and catching up on alone time with Jeromy later. :) Thursday is the problem.

My crazy bosses think that since they pay me they can be mean jerks when it comes to scheduling, especially because I have crazy problems and probably won't say anything about it. I TOLD one of my bosses that I am doing the Turkey Day Run at 9 a.m. Since my availability doesn't start until 2:30 on Thursdays, SHE SAID not to worry about it. That was great, because I'm scheduled 11 to 5. I know I'm not a mom or anything, but that doesn't mean I don't have a family too. I am trying SOO hard to get away from that job.

Then there's the problem of Jeromy's family vs. mine. I don't see that getting cleared up any time ever.

I have nothing Friday until I work (again!) at 3. Except that I kind of want to do Black Friday :) mmm $3 toasters.

Surviving

2009-10-03T12:24:00.003-05:00

So I've been in my apartment for about a month now. It feels like much longer, though. Things are going ok, except for my severe lack of funds. My wonderful place of employment has acquired ample reinforcement in the serving department, relieving me of a busy schedule... I had 12.5 hours last week and had to call off yesterday because of a stupid mistake I made.

My car only needs a few more repairs...

The good news is that I'm keeping up with my homework... even if that means reading an entire novel in one night.

I pretty much gave up on running. I miss it.

Juuust squeezing my way through

2009-08-22T22:56:00.002-05:00

I am so broke! My room is one size bigger than the one I signed up for so that's an extra 200 bucks, my mom didn't meet the deductible on our insurance so I had to pay my therapist the difference for one session, I had to buy 13 books (and possibly 2 more... they were optional), My brakes needed fixin' and my car still needs more work, and Idk what else is going to go wrong! It looks like as long as I keep making money I'll be okay, but it's gettin kinda scary. I got a lot of help from my parents and family with stuff for the apartment, so I don't want to ask her to pay me back. Gaaah can't I just win the lottery???

Much needed update

2009-08-13T16:23:00.002-05:00

I'M LIVING AT SCHOOL
I have to buy 15 books this year
I just paid $200 for a brake job and my car needs more work
I'm reading The House of the Seven Gables and I like it
I've had really bad heartburn lately... yeah, gross, I know
Both of my achille's tendons are keeping me from running... but I guess that's why I got a bike
I don't really cry about work anymore... just about my lack of a backbone

I wish I could elaborate, but I think I have some more running around to do.

Loves!

Baby Steps

2009-07-09T23:18:00.003-05:00

I'm makin' baby steps, alright. The thing is, they're not going fast enough. I just can't have good timing in my life, can I? I made this wonderful, awesome plan with my therapist... sounds good to me, good enough for everyone who cares about me, compromise, compromise, compromise. We've been arguing about this for how many YEARS of my SHORT LIFE now, and when we figure something out, it's freakin' impossible and never going to happen. I might as well get comfortable, because it looks like I'm living here FOREVER.

FML

Also, as soon as I really get into running, really build up my endurance, start thinking about a half marathon... my ankle gets so messed up three days off isn't enough to fix it. Now I'll be fat AND have low self-esteem, no money, and no independence.

And don't scold me for being ungrateful because I know full well that I totally am. Resent me, but don't scold me.

At least I'm a f***ing 2-star server now.

weeeee

2009-06-23T21:02:00.003-05:00

The past few days have been kind of intense. Like, I'm dazed right now. I'm still on my pseudo-cleanse diet and it's definitely working but it's really not good for my active lifestyle. I figure it's only a week and as long as I don't pass out I'll be glad I did it.

I went for a really good run today :-D I love my new shoes and I love running!

I just have to even out my tan now.

I'd really like to work on my story, I just don't know if I can focus. Bleeeh!

There's fireworks outside my window!!! (Seriously- I'm not hallucinating.)

What's up

2009-06-19T12:55:00.003-05:00

I just took my new Trek Pilot 1.2 over to Tony's to get it fitted XD I'll have something to do while Jeromy's out of town next week. Hopefully my ankle will stop being retarded and I'll be able to run. If I can't run a half marathon by the end of the summer, I'd at least like to do a 10k. Sheesh. My mom thinks it's my old running shoes. I think she should put her money where her mouth is. In the words of Jeromy, "If it's the shoes, I'll pay you back. If it's not, thanks for the shoes."

In other news, I finished Desperation and watched the movie. The book, of course was WAY better, but the movie made me giggle. Esp. because Stephen King has a really high voice.

I started Kissing in Manhattan, which is really weird. I'm giving it a chance, though. I don't like setting a book down after only one chapter; I usually read until I naturally give up. Lol

Ay dios mio.

2009-06-11T00:01:00.001-05:00

I have to keep it short cuz it's past my bedtime.

Lol I don't even know who all reads this.

'Kay, so I'm totally nuts this week and the agenda for tomorrow is bike ride/fitting, go to the bank, bake cupcakes, see a shrink, and have a picnic.

Who the F does that???

Mmmmmm summer

2009-05-28T12:39:00.002-05:00

I have not felt so relaxed in a long time.

I have two things I have to get done all day. I slept in as long as my internal clock would let me, I cooked myself a delicious, greasy breakfast, I watched episode 3 of Supernatural season 1 that I just bought, aaand now I can't do anything else until I hear from the bf. Lol. I found a really interesting writing prompt and I'm playing around with that. Life is good.

Better.

2009-05-19T13:47:00.004-05:00

I have to apologize for last time- about 20 minutes after I signed off I found myself trying not to have a panic attack and the whole night was just bad. I plead temporary insanity and I plan on making an appointment with a psychologist today. Seriously.

In other news, I went to the used bookstore today XD and I got 4 books. Desperation is up first, then after that probably pride and prejudice, Lisey's Story, The House of Seven Gables, and Kissing in Manhattan. That's as far as my to-read list goes for now. LOL my goal is to be "well-read" by the end of the summer.

I'm getting a new phone soon XD probably around the 29th. I'm between the EnV Touch and the Alias 2. They're both pretty sweet.

Fuel to the Fire

2009-05-15T23:42:00.002-05:00

THIS IS WHY I HATE LIVING AT HOME

Alright, I knew it wouldn't work. I've asked countless times for SOMEONE to record my ONE show for me. Here's an itemized list of what happens:

They record the wrong channel
They forget
They record at the wrong time
It magically doesn't work
They set it and forget to turn it on
THE SOUNDTRACK IS OUT OF SYNC WITH THE FREAKING VIDEO

THIS IS THE SEASON FINALE, PEOPLE

It is not posted on the CW site yet
Or anywhere else
It costs 3.00 to download it on iTunes
IT TAKES 8 HOURS TO DOWNLOAD
Firefox forgets what the h*** it's doing
The internet goes down for the whole house
My computer freezes

I was going to watch 45 MINUTES OF TV, EAT, AND GO TO FREAKING BED BECAUSE I HAVE HISSY FITS IF I DON'T.

NOW I'M ACTUALLY FIGHTING BACK TEARS BECAUSE

I HAD TOO MUCH CAFFEINE TODAY
I DID NOT GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT
I SHOULD HAVE SEEN A THERAPIST PROBABLY YEARS AGO
I CANNOT TAKE LIVING AT HOME ANYMORE

And to think I was in a good mood all day. How did I get so messed up?

What happens next?

Blue October Show

2009-05-15T02:52:00.002-05:00

AAAH it was so good.

Now that that's out of the way, I'll get down to the details. I made an awesome necklace by taking a dumb scorpio charm off of an old chain and drilling holes in my two guitar picks from previous Blue October concerts and putting those on the chain. We met all five guys from the band after the show and one of them said he really liked my necklace XD I think it was Ryan... not sure. LOL but I caught another pick... that bounced off my head... and I gave away another one that I caught between my arm and my body. I was the pick magnet.

There were all kinds of crazy people there. One girl had just turned 21 and she was totally drunk and high. Happy birthday. There was another lady who was like freaking out and kept touching Tricia... apparently the concert was "orgasmic..." Ahh, concert crazies.

The warmup band was really good. They were from Australia and I think we decided their name was "The Kin." They had a digeridu (not a bong). They sold jump drives with their music on them. I thought that was cool (but I was not standing in line to buy one).

Afterwards we all stood in a straight line waiting for the band to come out... the security and the roadies or w/e said we were the most well-behaved group they had ever seen. We got pictures with each band member too. Best of all, it wasn't 30 degrees out this time.

Though it was an awesome show and they played most of my favorites, I was sad not to hear "Calling You." And they only played one song that I didn't know.

Movin' Out?

2009-05-06T16:53:00.003-05:00

So I did some research yesterday (when I should have been sleeping) and I found myfirstapartment.com. According to their guidelines, I might not be able to afford more than $300-350/mo. }:-/ There isn't much out there for that price unless I want to live in the ghetto, and I do not want a roommate. I reeeally want to move out. Especially since I've finally sort of figured this job out and am kind of making money. I'm definitely saving it. I contemplated trying Mary Kay again the other day (for a few minutes) but I don't want to waste time if it's just not going to work again. The extra money would be nice, though. Eh, I can always sell myself. :-P

Crackers!

2009-05-04T18:50:00.002-05:00

So I had another work episode. I started crying involuntarily again, probably because of this stupid lady who ordered two skillets for herself and ordered me around like I was her slave (and because I had NOT been sleeping enough). Soo I did all that and about five minutes into it I randomly got a really bad nosebleed. I've only had two in my life before this and they were within a week of each other because I had an earache. Soo they took me off the floor and I was thoroughly embarrassed for the rest of the night. I slept for almost ten hours last night and my alarm didn't wake me up so I was late today XD I hate my life.

Funny story...

2009-05-03T00:58:00.002-05:00

I couldn't decide which blog to put this in.

I was at Kohl's today, trying things on, and there was a line for the dressing room. Surprise, surprise. So I did my thing or whatever and came out to ask the bf's opinion of the skirt I was wearing. After like five seconds of that, I went back to find that my dressing room was occupied. I had grabbed my purse and all that was in there was my sweater and my shirt. No big deal. If I remember correctly, I think I left my stuff in there and used another room to try something else on. This time, I left my purse and my capris in there because I really knew it would only be five seconds. By the time I got back, another impatient b**** had taken my room, and probably my wallet. Being the doormat that I am, I waited. First came my sweater and then, with the help of a sales associate, my purse. There was one hitch; the ditz in the dressing room was the biggest airhead I had ever had anything to do with in my life. The Kohl's employee assured me that this happens all the time and knocked firmly on the door. She kindly asked if there was a purse in there and if she could hand it to her. The girl complied; by the way, all this time she had been talking on her cell phone about the Bradford HS Theater auditions. The purse she handed over happened to have a big, obnoxious giraffe print on it. (CLEARLY not mine and NOT there when I used the room.) I immediately told her this and we exchanged purses. Her excuse was that it was "under the clothes-" my capris. I still needed to change, so minutes later I saw her walk out of the dressing room WITH THE UGLY GIRAFFE PURSE! This mockery of human intelligence tried to give me her purse. Either that, or she stole some other poor thing's belongings. I had a short chat with the girl who helped me and she agreed that b**** was crazy.

WTF, PEOPLE???

Followers?

2009-05-01T23:14:00.002-05:00

I'm kinda sad. I've had this blog for how long now and I don't have any official followers :( I know I have at least two readers. Gaaah maybe I should make a separate blog for the "poor me this is my life" posts and one for the "I'm a writer and a thinker; everyone should read this, and I use semicolons" posts. I think I'll do that right now XD Thanks for the great idea! I'm thinking I'll keep this one as my personal blog and make another one for the other idea so I'll have a fresh start. Yay!

Figuring Stuff Out

2009-05-01T01:45:00.003-05:00

Happy 20th post!

Despite being drained and only about half alive, I was actually pretty excited today. I finished a lot of homework, registered for classes next fall, declared a major and a minor XD and I ate some delicious shrimp burritos from Jose's. On the flipside, I have not been to the gym in about a week and a half but I hope to fix that tomorrow morning before the last Ranger News meeting of the year. I'm going to miss it so much this summer... but in the fall I'll be back and editing! We will also be publishing online and I will get paid! I just hope this doesn't all crash and burn to the ground after I finally stopped hating myself quite so much and got my hopes up again.

I CAN'T WAIT TO GO CAMPING!!!

Other goals for this summer:

Read a book every two weeks
Write constantly
Submit, submit, submit, and get published (ambitious, I know)
Get a bike and start riding it
Run every other day
Run a half marathon
Learn to cook... at least a few different things. Lol
IF I can get myself together........ move out XD

Accomplishing all of things could possibly be the perfect formula for the best summer of my life. I'm sure gonna try.

Hope? Panic? Senioritis?

2009-04-18T10:35:00.003-05:00

I have a brain full of bumper cars.

It seems like every couple hours my mind is in a totally different place, and I have no idea what I want anymore.

I want to get the most out of my college degree but I want to get out as soon as possible.

I want to move out but I don't want to be broke for the rest of my life. (The past year and a half has been quite enough.)

I want to be skinny and I like running but sometimes I just don't have the time and I want to eat my easter candy... and apple pie and Ihop...

Half of the time I'm worried to death and half of the time I stop caring.

I feel disgusting.

In need

2009-04-15T22:15:00.002-05:00

I'm in need of a new devotional/bible study method. I just read the whole new testament one chapter at a time :-/ my mom gave me a couple devotionals that she likes but I need one that takes a big chunk of scripture up to a few chapters long and really digs deep; I hate those sword drill bible studies that have you look up about 30 verses and try to tie them all together (especially when they're John 3:16 or Psalm 138). Help!

UUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

2009-04-11T00:27:00.003-05:00

Dude, so I haven't blogged in like... forever.

Right now all I want to do is- well- go to bed, but before that all I wanted to do was rant about how ignorant people are. I decided today that since the word "integrity" has basically fallen obsolete, it should be removed from the english language.

I worked for about eight and a half hours today and it seemed like the whole time I was there somebody was constantly cutting corners, deliberately not listening, or doing anything to make their job easier (whether it was reading a freaking menu, cleaning, or making a salad,) which would be okay, but more than half of the time it made life so much harder for everyone else! Can't we all just take five extra seconds to put stuff away, READ, do the job ALL the way, or, God forbid, THINK?

I'm not trying to be judgmental; I'm guilty of doing this all the time. That saddened me even more!

FINALLY

2009-03-28T01:45:00.003-05:00

I finally got to run.
I finally figured out my essay and it is perfect.
I finally got some sleep.

But I was still bipolar all day. Like I really got worried when I felt so excessively happy... at work... then I had one of the most intense, quick mood swings at the weirdest time. Literally one breath was all it took and I had a completely different mindset. I think part of the problem might be that I have two sets of ideologies that are totally opposite of each other and I go to reasonable lengths to achieve the ideals of both. Something's gotta give.

That's how I used to excuse myself when things were really really bad. I would do whatever because I knew things would eventually balance out if I held on. My mind went back to that place a little bit today and it's scary.

Idk why I'm getting this deep on my blog- I guess it's just the nature of the beast. This whole thing turned into something way different than I expected. It's not bad I'm just surprised. Lol read my first post and then look at what happened.

The only people who would care about the things I'm writing about now probably already know most of it... what's the point?

This has been another pointless pondering. Thank you and good morning. I'm going to bed.

Bipolar

2009-03-26T17:28:00.002-05:00

I had like four things to blog about but my mind has so much trouble staying in one place these days that I did not feel that it would be fair to pick just one.

School and work are driving to my wit's end, old drama is creeping back to the surface, I have not slept in about 33 hours, and I have not been to the gym in days, but on the flipside I am soooo happy about one particular part of my life :) Last night was the most romantic, adorable thing I have seen in a long time and it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside just thinking about it. Normally it would make me giddy but I am tired as h*** and I just ate a big meal... do you know that feeling? Sleepy and full? Giddy does not really fit. I can't wait to come home, attempt to stay up for Supernatural, and finally get some REST.

That's not my name

2009-03-24T15:59:00.002-05:00

Gaah I feel like such a loser all of a sudden.

I said something really stupid in class today and all of a sudden everything seemed ridiculous.

Immediately after that I got back a disappointing grade, I had to walk across campus again in my stupid shoes and take a bus to get to my car, this song came on the radio http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3X2e89X6FY and a number of other little things happened, like closing my door with part of my jacket stuck in it... I don't really hate my life, I just don't like it sometimes.

I started listening to the song and began to really feel the mundane school thing setting back in. I hate having so much work to do and dumb little stuff. I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything sitting in class and listening to somebody ramble. They don't all ramble, but for the most part...

And then there's just little things about me like how I feel like I have to wear these stupid heels even though they hurt and how I got this new shirt and I like it but it makes me self-conscious because I think people might think I'm a slut... like I said... loser.

All this time I was thinking "this is definitely blog worthy." Laaaame.

Refreshed

2009-03-23T01:38:00.004-05:00

Luckily, nobody came to my bible study this morning. I know that sounds terrible and I'm really not too happy that nobody showed up but I am glad I got to go to church today.

Since I've been teaching my class I have also been taking advantage of the fact that it happens during the late service. I haven't been to church for a service in quite a while and I forgot how important it really is. I haven't been giving offering, taking communion, hearing sermons, or worshipping as much, and not only did I miss it but God missed me.

As of right now Brian hasn't posted the message online yet but once it's up it should be on this page: http://www.briangorman.org/sermons/ His sermon put a lot of my beliefs into really powerful words and I think it reminded me of how I should be living. I nodded and heartily agreed with a lot of it, but at some parts it almost hurt to listen because I know I'm wrong about some things (namely, the meaning of Lent lol). I really need to spend more time in church or at least around other Christians.

I also am reaching the end of the New Testament in my daily bible readings- I've been reading a chapter a day and I'm in Revelation. I don't know where to go from here. I like dissecting big chunks of related information at a time, not jumping scripture to scripture. If anybody reads this and has a really good strategy for some hardcore bible studyin' I'd love to hear about it!

For now I plan to get my butt in church, actually give 10%, and memorize key scriptures to keep the bible in my life. Pray for me!

Travel essay?

2009-03-21T10:51:00.002-05:00

I have to write a "travel essay" for my comp class but I didn't go anywhere over break.

We can write it about a place that we normally go to like home or school or something but that's not exciting.

It just has to be a compelling essay where the location is important to the plot.

Help!

Life Tetris

2009-03-19T20:30:00.004-05:00

It is amazing to me how many things in life can be compared to tetris. It makes sense; anything that "falls into place" or has a pattern that fits is basically applicable. For instance, I've played plate tetris, purse tetris, closet tetris, fridge tetris, and many other varieties.

Today I'm looking at the scheme of my life all at once. First my boyfriend fell into place, then my job, then my school of choice, then a car that didn't suck, now my major is on its way and the next three chunks in the lineup on the left side of the screen are hopefully a solution to the drama, new living arrangements, and further down the line, a real job and who knows what else. I'm knocking out the rows as fast as I can and everything seems to be clearing up. I'm just hoping a really odd shape doesn't come up and throw everything off. Maybe once I win I'll try my hand at life Grand Theft Auto. Just kidding!

Religulous???

2009-03-18T17:28:00.003-05:00

I think I'm going to rant about a documentary today.

The main problems that I had with this are credibility, thesis confusion, framing information, and generalization.

I understand that Bill Maher was "raised Catholic" but from what he tells us about it, the wasn't much of a Catholic at all. Beyond believing that there is a God for a while, he basically hated church, hated Catechism, and was glad to hear that his parents were leaving the church when he was 13. This doesn't mean he "paid his dues" and has the authority to talk about being a good Catholic, or how Catholics should act, or Christians in general.

I also get why he wanted to make this documentary; there are a lot of religious whackjobs out there who should be set straight. As a Christian watching it, I felt like he was attacking parts of the religion rather than questioning individuals, which is the main point, right?

The little clips interspersed throughout the movie were charming and funny, but there were a lot of times where I wished I could see the rest of the shot. I'm sure a lot of things were taken out of context, from interviews and from other media, and I don't appreciate that. I also think that he picked the wrong people to interview; the Truck Stop Church is perfectly respectable for people who are on the road and need a place to worship because they have their faith established. A place for worship is not always the best place to ask about details and specific stories from the bible. And who honestly thinks the Vatican is just going to let them in for a chat? I have serious doubts about the priest chillin' outside that he ended up talking to... "I choose not to wear a collar." Seriously?

Finally, I think that in trying to bring out the most ridiculous parts of certain religions Maher ended up making a lot of generalizations about the religions as a whole. He used this documentary to press his opinion on viewers and slide his own messages in edgewise. I thought it might be enlightening or novel but it was just insulting at points.

I watched this late last night so I may be off on a couple points but this is the lasting impression it left on me. I'm glad I saw it but it kinda made me sad. How many people are going to see this without thinking critically and give up their beliefs or lose respect for people who have them? People need to look at the doctrines before they question individuals, and especially before they watch documentaries, which do not always tell the absolute truth.

Spring Break- For Real

2009-03-16T19:16:00.003-05:00

So far I've done basically nothing on my list. I got sick for my first whole day of break... like mad style. I had a stomachache the night before, then I woke up at 4 am and threw up like 5 times, with some nice little dry heaves in there, and when I got up for the day at like 9:30 I was too dizzy to pour myself a cup of tea. My mom had to do it because I kept blacking out when I tried to stand up. I finally concluded around 10:30 that I should call in at work. That sucked because it was so slow the night before that they sent me home like 2 minutes after I clocked in. Sooo I got to lounge around all day, totally miserable, with a fever of 100.1 at one point, but the upside is that I ate a sundae and still lost 2 pounds.

By the way, I'm so sick of these nasty little bulges. How much do I have to run and diet before they're gone???

Back to the subject- I'm going to try to get some homework done tonight so I can actually have a DAY OFF tomorrow. Mmm corned beef... not so crazy about the cabbage. Aaand maybe a little Guinness.

Things to do over Spring Break

2009-03-13T21:09:00.003-05:00

Run like the wind
Do my homework
Read for fun
Make money
Get skinny (enough to finally wear those pants!)
Learn more about chinchillas
Dance
Cook something
Get new clothes (I have no springy/summery clothes that fit)
Other (because I'm forgetting something) LOL

Last-minute madness

2009-03-12T16:47:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was my first day without blogging :(

In other news... NEWS. I feel like I'm a full-time reporter. I only wish I was getting paid... not that I don't like it. However, I did hear about some internships possibly available this summer and that would be AWESOME... one paid like $10 an hour for sure, I don't remember anything about the other ones. I don't want to be all stressed and smelly all summer from serving every day. There's nothing worse than smelling like sweat AND country fried steak. (Check out that alliteration!)

I just hope this spring break can be relaxing. I know it will go by faster than I'm expecting, I won't get half of the things done that I want to, and the relaxation probably won't be that relaxing... but a girl can hope, right?

I have some catching up to do with my BFFF (finally, some sanity) and it's going to happen tomorrow. :-D

"It'll be better when you're married."

2009-03-10T23:19:00.003-05:00

Ohhhhh where to start.

Can I just say first how much I feel like Mort Rainey? Messy hair, the whole jaw tic thing that I've started to do, up at weird hours writing, mental problems... creepy.

I obviously am not going to spill quite ALL of my guts on this blog... but a lot of things happened today. I'll give you the overview: good hair, bad breakfast, broken heel, being followed, shenanigans and debauchery, panic, resolution, spaghetti, and reminiscing. I'm sure that means nothing to you (unless you're one certain you, then you know all of it and are probably smiling and/or giggling right now). It was one of the craziest days I've had pretty much ever, even though I basically got nothing done.

Siiiiiigh I need pain killers and a bubble bath. Too bad the drain is broken.

Big insight of the day: I've found a whole new meaning (actually, the first meaning that made sense) to my mom's adage: "It'll be better when you're married." Except now we're dealing with more than scraped knees.

Australia

2009-03-09T23:10:00.003-05:00

I'm up late doing my homework and I just realized, though I've procrastinated enough today, I still haven't written my blog! Thankfully, I already knew what I was going to write about.

I watched Australia yesterday and it was super good. I think the critics are all grumpy, lonely old farts because it should have gotten more recognition. I really need to see it again because, I confess, I didn't see ALL of it.

First of all, Hugh Jackman XD omg and Nicole Kidman were a great pair and the little boy (Brandon Walters) was cute and a really super good actor. The plot was slow, but I didn't mind. There was constantly something interesting going on but it was really stretched out.

Bottom line- it would have been waay better as a novel. I did a quick search and I'm not finding one, so if anybody reads this and knows if it was "based on a book" I'd REALLY appreciate it if you sent me some answers. It's on my summer reading list if it exists.

A New Perspective

2009-03-08T19:54:00.003-05:00

My bible study this morning went rather differently than usual. As a 19 year old bible study leader, I have been trying hard to at least "fake it 'til I make it." Four students showed up this morning, more than I expected, and we proceeded to have one of the most insightful, talkative bible studies I've ever been to. In discussing it with our head minister I realized that removing an older, wiser teacher figure broke down the wall of intimidation. He said he had never been able to teach a class like that and I was proud of myself :)

We discussed God's bighearted love (can't you tell we're non-denominational?) as part of Margaret Feinberg's The Organic God study. It's an amazing book and an even better bible study. Anyone remotely interested in Christianity should read it.

On a different note, I decided to give up cheese for lent this year, even though I don't hold lent as part of my religion. It sounds weird, but it's on everything and I honestly miss it. I thought it was better than giving up chocolate like everybody else. Besides, it cuts off so many fat calories :)

I've always had an ambivalent view about the Catholic church; I respect their serious viewpoints, the tradition, the structure, etc., but I don't like how much of it was decided on by a bunch of humans. Things have changed over and over again since people first gained the original insight from God and I don't believe in praying to saints, as cool as they were. Anyway, I've been feeling lately that a few Catholic masses, though I might not understand all of them correctly, might do me some good. Moreover, their churches are prettier than ours :-P and I think art should be a bigger part of the church. It gives a different depth to the experience, in my humble opinion, anyway.

Hitting My Stride

2009-03-07T22:08:00.003-06:00

I ran three miles today without stopping.

I never saw myself living like this; I always assumed I'd have some type of physical activity to keep me moving, whether it was bike racing, some other sport or class, or just going to the gym. I told my boyfriend today, "I'm turning into a runner."

I've moved past the agony of every step, every shin splint, every cramp, every painful breath. I have rhythm. Not that I usually have a problem with that, but within the context of running it's always eluded me.

I've read a few articles about "zen" running, running to relax, meditate, clear your head. I've used running as an emotional outlet, but it's always left me exhausted and ready to sleep. Today, though my calves were on fire for the last one and a half miles, I was able to push forward with my body as a whole and just choose not to think about my flaming calves. I had power and it felt good.

I just hope I can keep it up; I'm on a training schedule and in a couple months or so I will be able to run a half-marathon, so I hope. I already wimped out on a two mile day- I walked for some of it. There were some run/walk days but I thought I'd be able to run the whole thing. I've never run more than three miles without stopping, or probably in one day for that matter. I think if I keep going like this, I should be fine.

I also told someone today that I'd like to run a marathon sometime in my life. I've been thinking about it, and I get more and more determined every day. The Beijing Olympics really inspired me- if I start training now, I could become an awesome runner. Nobody can really have stamina like that until into their 20s, it's just how we're built. I feel like all I need to do this is time, determination, and a few good pairs of shoes.

Hokey Pokey

2009-03-06T11:00:00.000-06:00

Here's what it's all about:

I've been wanting to write a blog for some time now. As an aspiring journalist, it's just kind of my thing. I'm also somewhat of a gym bunny/fashionista obsessed with pop culture and culture in general, among many other things. Between going to college, going to the gym (or hittin' the road, since my membership is about to expire), going to church, going to work (serving at Cracker Barrel), and whatever else I'm up to, it seems like there's always an issue irking me so this is where I'm putting them.

The first big idea I'd like to share is something that came up in a conversation with my bfff. I think that in light of the recent "economic crisis" I'm so tired of hearing about, everyone in the United States should simultaneously move out of the country. If only for a couple years, American soil should be deserted. Don't get me wrong; I don't hate America but this is getting ridiculous and most of us need a wakeup call anyway. Americans are not all that, and if we evenly dispersed around the globe, everything would be ok.

Of course, this is all in jest... but wouldn't it be kinda sweet? I would go to Italy. ;-)